Words Have Power

We are often told that “Words have power”. What does that mean exactly? Can you generate electricity from a word? Can a word cause nations to fall? Can a word be a crushing force? While the obvious answer to all of these questions, for those of us that have lived through any form of internal turmoil, is yes, most would still look at it as figurative speech. However, I have discovered that words do indeed carry significant power, through my own personal journey with infertility.

The single word, infertility, can be a crushing force and carries so much weight that it is almost unbearable. Those who have never experienced the struggle to have a child will never truly understand how this single word could have such far reaching and all encompassing effect on those that have been assigned the moniker. For those of us that have received the unwanted badge, it can be devastating in so many ways.

It is generally understood that, as human beings, we are born, we grow up, we may or may not attend college, but at some point we will find a career path and settle in to our adult lives. It is also a given that most of us want to be loved and to find someone that can share life’s triumphs and troughs. And, it is still true today, once you have found the yin to your yang, you will inevitably begin to receive inquiries of the most personal nature. “When are you going to expand the family?” or “Don’t you want kids”? The answer for most of us is “Of course we want children”. We want to carry on the family legacy, we want to feel like we are a part of the mainstream, and we want to stroke our own egos a little bit by proving that we can make better parenting decisions than our predecessors. However, when that heaviest of words enters into our world, every thing suddenly begins to crack.

In some ways, being diagnosed as infertile is a struggle in and of itself. From the outside, it could almost be comical. Once you realize there may be a problem, you would think it would be a simple walk-in visit to your physician’s office and they would say, based on your symptom of not getting pregnant in the desired time frame, “you are infertile”. Unfortunately, there are many different levels of infertility and, as they say, it does take two to tango. The issues you face in getting pregnant may be due to male factor issues, female factor issues or a combination of the two. The severity can also be affected by numerous other complicating factors which include things like weight, lifestyle, medications, pre-existing medical conditions and, surprise of all surprises, even fertility treatments themselves can cause additional complications in your journey to get pregnant. So, in an odd dance that you never wanted to join, you almost have to fight your way to the finish line to receive the diagnosis of being infertile. In that way, much like the relief of finally having a name applied to a mysterious illness, it can almost seem like a reward to finally receive the diagnosis you knew in your heart to be true all along.

In my experience, when the diagnosis was finally spoken out loud, the experience was so quick and matter of fact that I was left at a loss for how I should, in fact, feel. The best way I can think to describe it, and why I say it can almost seem comical, is reminiscent of old episodes of the three stooges or various comedy skits we have all seen over the years. A strong man is lifting weights, as if they are feather light, and a poor “Moe” comes along to impress a girl and asks for the chance to prove his might. Inevitably, the weight is handed off and the weaker man crumbles under the unexpected weight he has suddenly been given. The term, Infertile, is so easily handed off from the doctor to the unsuspecting patient, who is completely unprepared for the actual heft that the term brings with it. If I can impart any advice to those that suspect they may be suffering some form of infertility, immediately seek guidance from a doctor that specializes in fertility. Take it from me, not all doctors know what they are talking about but that won’t stop them from being direct and imparting their own recommendations which can needlessly lead you down a long and winding road that may be inaccurate and can cause unnecessary heartache.