After approximately another year, we felt we were prepared to try again. Through a church-related infertility support group, we were introduced to a fertility nurse with a new local fertility clinic. The clinic was a branch of a clinic based out of Pensacola, FL and they had decided to open a branch in Tallahassee to service the needs of its residents. However, the catch was that the actual fertility transfers still had to be performed in Pensacola…so we would not have to travel as often, but would not completely circumvent the need to travel. After several discussions with the new clinic, we felt there was a possibility that my wife had been over stimulated which caused her eggs to be of lower quality than they should have been. We decided to once again try in vitro as the new clinics cost was several thousand dollars less than the Jacksonville clinic. We saved up money from our tax returns that year and obtained a personal loan for the remaining amount and proceeded to have my sperm analyzed again since it had been so long between appointments and we were dealing with a new clinic.
We felt like the additional tests were routine and were just amped to try again at having a child that would genetically be linked to both of us. We were shocked to discover, after numerous tests, that I was no longer producing viable sperm. I was, once again sent to the urologist to determine what had caused the change in my sperm production. It was determined that there must be an internal blockage that had been developed and I was told that we could have the sperm directly extracted from my testicles, but it was estimated that the procedure would cost thousands more than what we had available to us. Once again, a giant wall was being thrown up in front of our dreams, just as we felt we could see the finish line.
We decided to proceed with in vitro, using donor sperm once again, in an effort to not lose precious time. At this point, my wife had entered her thirties and we were losing our window for her best years of fertility at an all too rapid pace. It was extremely painful to let go, for the third time, my chances of having a child that carried my DNA. This was especially true this time, since the primary reason was due to a lack of available funds to facilitate the dream. We decided to soldier on and started the fertility process all over again. When the time came to harvest the eggs, we were extremely disappointed to be told that we only had four eggs and two of them were very low quality. We inseminated them all and lost two immediately. We were already horrified. After coming up with several thousand more dollars to try in vitro again, we might not even get an opportunity to transfer any embryos. The next several days were extremely emotional, to say the least. We were eventually told that we only had one viable embryo. It was so hard to accept that fate. But, we were reminded that it only takes one embryo to become a success…and it was definitely our turn for a break.
We were very excited to know that I would be able to be present for the transfer this time and could actually see the transfer of the embryo on a monitor. It felt like a blessing and that maybe this is what we had been waiting for. Over the next several days, we agonized over every possible symptom for pregnancy…not to mention that it was almost Christmas. Would this be our Christmas miracle? Would we finally achieve the dream that more than six years of trials, more than $45,000 in debt and more heartbreak than any one couple should have to endure could not give us? The answer was a shattering no.
It is now 2011 and our spirits have been heavily dampened and our wallets heavily lightened. Still, we are both committed to the dream of achieving the greatest gift on earth…the gift of a family. Throughout our journey, we have only had one attempt at attaining our dream in completion, the dream to have a child that maintains a genetic link to both of their parents. The struggle has been long, heart rending and expensive, but we are still left with the greatest of motivators…HOPE!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment